In Mediterranean societies, the life cycle generally works similarly. Society, your environment expects you to complete some stages in your life and move on to another that was previously considered reasonable by the community. Perceptions and judgments change towards the North from Mediterranean societies, of course, but I am writing from Istanbul so, this is exceptional subject for us now.
A period of my life has passed by not wanting a child first, then wanting with greater certainty, then not wanting again, and then wanting again.
WHICH ONE IS HARDER?
WANT TO HAVE A BABY OR NOT OR TO CALL OUT?
Everyone around me feels similar but most women cannot say these requests out loud. To be clear, it is also difficult to say to ourselves aloud. Confessions are always difficult … Being open to yourself is even more difficult.
MAKING A DECISION ABOUT BABY
A woman may want a child, want to give birth or may not want to give a birth. They may want to have children without giving birth or may not want any children. I believe that the decision to give birth to a child or not should not be made individually and that couples should think together. However, I also argue that a woman should be able to freely express her inner feelings. We are all social beings, of course, whatever our spouse, friend and environment think, affects us. Nevertheless, a woman must decide independently of all these external judges how she feels and wants about the child. So far it’s been like a manifesto, right?
BEING WOMEN DARE TO COURAGE
While the concept of motherhood is so exalted, it is a bit of courage to be able to say “I don’t want to have children” to yourself and the environment. In such a situation, you will encounter many warnings, from how difficult loneliness is, to having a branch to hold on to. You may like children but you may not want to give birth or mother for other reasons. You may not like children. When you say these, they are out of a mindless minority, they will not understand that it may be difficult and thoughtful or because of some necessity to make this decision. They even will not try to questioning. Note to readers’ inner voice: If you always hope to be understood, accepted and appreciated, welcome to hell. I said in another article; “The world is a hell for sensitive hearts.” Goethe.
On the other hand, it is very difficult to say “I want to have a baby”. While you are fully ready to have a baby, you need to convince your clouse circle and environment which that guides you so much, before yourself. Let me explain with examples, you are just married, you want children; people say, “you should travel together, enjoy your marriage fisrt.” Your age may be progressing faster than medical developments and you want children; They say “when your age, you should live your life and you should forget or skip this baby stage”. When you think all the possiblities, judjed the terms inner of you and want to adopt; people say, “It is not clear the baby what kind of person will be, because you do not know the gens…” You are not married, you want children; “Will it ever happen without getting married? “They say. You are gay, you want to be a foster family; auch… what do they say on this. The summary is people talks…It takes great courage to be able to say “I want a baby” after all.
In both cases, it takes courage to be a woman.
BEING A WOMEN WITHOUT HAVE A BABY
It shouldn’t be the child that defines the woman, but things don’t work that way. While there are so many women on television who introduce themselves as “the mother of jonathan” or “wife of John” and the majority of people watch it, the concept of “I” is redefined.
As a woman without have a baby, what I see around me is as follows;
Your friends, who have children, first start talking only about their child. Then, in time, they starts to get away from the children and meet with the children. I appreciate a few of my very best friends.
I try to put myself in their shoes and understand as much as I can. There has been a huge irreversible change in their lives and for generally the baby has become the new center of their lives. At least this is the common case for most of Turkish mothers. A second note to the reader: How healthy to make the child the only center of their lives both individually for themselves, their spouses, marriages and also for the child, in this regard this is another topic.
YOU UNDERSTAND ONLY IF YOU HAVE A BABY
I just became a “familiar face” with most of my friends who think in this way. This is especially true for those who have given birth to children and I see that mothers who have a baby with other ways, they are much more aware of their behaviors and their attitude towards life. In saying this, I don’t want to keep one group superior to another and trying to be as objective as possible. But i’m not sure how objective I can stay for the moms who re-labeled me as a “familiar face”. I guess, i do not understand cause i dont have a baby.
MOMS WITH CHILDREN AND ALSO BEHAVES OBJECTIVE
There is also another side who does not regret giving birth and when evaluate the situation to have a baby in an objective way, who can see the positive aspects of being childless and can admit it. These are the mothers I find the most open minded. I think that the children they raise will be great people who love themselves, empathize with others, love and protect life. I include my best friends in this category. Note to reader: Choose your close friends from this circle. Note to my close friends: Go my girl.