LOVEPHOBIA

Love is a concept i think on it more than people supposed about me. I thought to get a tattoo as LOVE (AŞK in Turkish), still thinking. Provocative ideas are coming when you think to get a tattoo as Love, where & how on your body. I read an article a little while back, was saying “you should remember how much you loved & loved by, not your wounds”. How many times i tried, i made mistakes, i sad, how much i loved and how much i loved again?

There are some subjects people make say and believe theirselves, like learn the lessons from the mistakes. We won’t be sad again, ha? Sure course no need to invent again fundamental physics: do not touch the stove if it is hot. But LOVE is not something like this.  Let’s assumed you loved and then it didn’t work. What should we do, stop loving? What happened if we get hurt…We can lock ourselves into homes also. In fact, you can die in the home with an earthquake if you are living in Istanbul. So we can continue camping… Ok, i do not want to lose my focus. We can live a lifetime behind the closed doors while afraid to feel.  But we can also be brave. We can also lose ourself with the flow.  Fact: To fear is not healing, you will continue to love while you are afraid of. I afraid of height, for example i can’t even look down from the window of 4th floor without any fear. However, i can do bungee jumping also while afraid of it. So, what i should do, the curiosity of the feeling of leaving yourself high into the space overbear to the fear. Is not it a betrayal to ourselves to stop back?

You’re doing what the adults call being cautious if you had so much pain in your past.  You don’t trust, don’t bare your feelings, you are not telling from your soul, you are not acting with your heart. Because you are afraid of it. The more you get hurt, the more you get scared. I am not getting lessons from my mistakes for this subject. To learn lessons makes me feel betraying myself. According to the others, i should find a mask for the next time just because i got hurt in the past. But why? This is not me. If I get hurt by the one who stands next to me, maybe that one shouldn’t be next to me no more. Simple.

At this stage, i could not find a definition for LOVE and the definition will change every time, i thought that i found. But curiosity overbear. Maybe LOVE has stages and the first stage is curiosity.